Still on a high due to yesterday. Now everyone in my life is aware of what we have been dealing with. I've not had 1 negative response. My phone was going cray all night. So many kind messages. I'm truly overwhelmed. I haven't done this for sympathy, likes or views. I had no choice as I said before.
I may feel like I'm on a high today but I don't look it. I have the worst cold. And look like a cross between jedward and susan boyle. Its strange and I'm unsure if its just me. But sometimes I'm like do I have a cold or am Is it the depression ? do I dislike this food, or is it my depression? Its difficult to explain but if you feel like this id like to know is this a thing?
So I said id tell you how we adjusted to life with lottie. She came into the world with a bang. Literally she was so stuck they had to pull her out so hard, we heard a big pop then a little cry. Her being stuck was the reason i couldn't labour. She was in total wrong position, and could have never been born naturally. So if it wasn't for the amazing NHS we would have both died. I ended up having a spinal. The experience is so daunting, the room is so bright and big. During the operation I struggled to breath, talk and I was soooooo thirsty!
From going into theatre and her being born was minutes. And as soon as I heard that little cry I fell in love with her even more. And I get that same feeling each day she wakes up and gives me her massive dimply smile. I just love her more and more everyday!
Unfortunately we both had infections. So each night at 1am they would come and take her to ICU and give her her meds. I was also unwell. And was being checked on by a nurse regularly. The drugs where amazing, at one point I thought there was a fisherman outside my room and a pond. Shaun was brill he slept in a armchair that you could fold into a bed. The One that he had kept braking and every so often he would just ping backwards, like it was an ejector seat. It would be about 3am and id hear PING.
I swear my room became like a tap room. The nurses used to come in and have their diner with us, we would have about 3 nurses, a cleaner and a doctor all crammed in this tiny room having a catch up. After you have a section the first time you do certain things it hurts, the first time you stand up, laugh, wee shower wow the shower. It took me a while to brave it, a little tip after 3 days of labour DO NOT spray you mary with the shower head. OMG! the sting! the pain! It felt like a ball of fire for a good day. I thought I jet blasted my muff clean off! I had to get a mirror and check.
Our baby had no name the whole time I was pregnant, we finally decided the day we left the hospital. I always said when I saw her for the first time it would come to me. And the name that did was charlotte but this I felt was to long to go with our last name. So we agreed on Lottie. From day 1 she was such a good baby. Shaun did all the firsts with her got her dressed changed the nappy. He had to show me once I was better. He's done most of the night feeds. I remember on night I went to sleep around 11pm he was sat on the edge of the bed in his pjs nursing lottie. I woke up at 5am he's still in the same place just minus his and lotties clothes. He'd been sat their all night he'd been sick on pooed on then had to feed her then she was sick again he was just running round and round. Whilst I was oblivious snoring my head off.
Unfortunately for us their was no getting home and resting, adjusting to parenthood. That would be far to easy. It was house moving time the week after we got home! It wasn't supposed to happen like this, lottie was supposed to be about 3 weeks old at least but due to the fact she was late and we had to stay in hospital this is how it fell. Everyone else had to pack my things whilst I rested, undies the lot. It’s not ideal your new mother in law finding, your under the bed bag of sexyness Isit?
I loved our little flat and was so sad to move. But we needed a garden and more space. It was also frustrating because as a women you likes to nest. Make a home your home. Clean it from top to bottom put all the shitty ornament's on the windowsill that kind of thing. But I was not able to do that. When I was better I literally had no clue where any of my things where. Getting dressed was like a crystal maze challenge.
Not that I should have even been up getting dressed. But I had itchy feet I wanted to be able to be a mum and wife. And to have a home that looked like a home. Not having to climb over boxes to get to the sink. It was impossible to sort the house have a newborn and recover from a c-section. At this point I just felt like my house was a mess, just like my mind and my body. People wanted to come visit but we had no furniture. I was lucky to have a new baby, a new house, 2 new cars which I didn't no how to drive and a wedding ring that had not been on my finger a year. But I wish things had just happened a little slower.
Adjusting to all this newness was insane. One minute I'm trying to figure out how to work the cooker then I'm trying to fathom how to button up a sleep suit! I'm not saying this for sympathy, and people have probably done this a 1000 times but I'm wanting to paint a picture of how things was for me.
So once settled one thing after another kept happening. Disaster after disaster. A few week after we had been moved in some twat set fire to the back of our garden. While me and lottie was home! Ill blog about this next.
Must dash I'm starving, lottie is doing the downward dog, and my washing needs putting on the radiator's as it didn't dry on the line. What idiot puts washing on the line in November? When its foggy! I've been washing line deprived for 4 year I'm making the most of it.
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