After the chop I had to dash to pick lottie up from my mums. Where lottie had been a total cry baby. Welcome to my world mum. I got to mums and she was stressed needed a wee and water. With lottie day to day tasks are a no. The fact she sleeps in so late is a life saver. Gives me chance to get my jobs done and have food. She is a dream but if the attention isn't on her get ready for the screams. I've heard this is the case with most 7 month olds. I get the odd half an hours piece and its like a little slice of heaven.
I then met my friend at the library to do a class. Which I said was at 2.30. Turns out it was on at 2! OOOOPS! Instead we went and had a milkshake. It had to be a milkshake I cant keep drinking coffee like this. Does everyone join the mum club and get a caffine addiction? You go to a friends have a coffee or 2. Meet up with a friend "for a coffee". Wowzer I've constantly got the shakes. So now I'm home lottie is playing with and empty tissue box and I've got my feet up.
I forgot to tell you yesterdays drama. When I left from "having a coffee at my friends" the petrol light was on and a light said 7 miles. I gathered 7 miles meant how far I had before the petrol ran out. Me being me I have no clue how far 7 miles is. So I called shaun and asked him if that was ok? "errmm no chels you need to get to a petrol station. So off I popped. Drove into the petrol station via the exit. So my car was facing in the opposite direction to all the others. I've not put petrol in the car for agers due to not wanting to drive. And the car is rather new. Pulled up at the pump (the wrong way round). Looked at the petrol and diesel sign without a clue as to which I use. So it was back in the car to call shaun AGAIN and ask which I use. The guy behind the petrol station counter was looking at me cautiously like I was some kind off yob, and was about to rob his petrol. Shaun was taking agers to answer the phone, when he finally did I was confident it would be easy now. But when it came to getting the petrol cap off (or is it a diesel cap because I'm putting diesel in?). Anyway I'm trying everything to remove the dam thing. I'm pulling it, turning it, wiggling it and grunting at it, with mr petrol station is watching my every move. I was thinking mate if I was going to rob you I wouldn't drive in this dive the wrong way and draw this much attention to myself. I'm no master criminal but even I no root vegetable hair is not the best disguise.
Then I get a tap on the shoulder and it makes me jump. Its only mr petrol staion, asking if I need help. I'm explain I cant get the petrol diesel cap thing off. He looks at me funny and explains that's because their is no such thing on my car, I just shove it in the hole. So I shove it in press the petrol leaver and...........spray it all over the place! Petrol everywhere mr petrol man just walks off leaving petrol prints in his wake. When I went to pay I was debating if to ask him to knock me some off as he was wearing half off it. But decided not to after I seen the pissed off look on his face. I think he was looking at lottie thinking how the hell does she look after a child? But mr petrol station if you are reading this. Sorry about the shoes, and lottie is safe in my care. All a baby needs is love. Mixed in with a bit of common sense.
In regards to lottie's care social services did get in touch after the A&E incident, infact they rang before we even left the hospital. I was constantly reassured this was not because they was worried about lottie. They just wanted to support me. I will do a separate blog about social services.
For now I will give you a breakdown of what happened whilst I was in A&E. As I said before I saw a nurse who then took me into a side room. Where I sat for hours and hours. People coming in and out for reasons I do remember.
I think was waiting mainly for a chat with the crisis team. The whole time amy was telling me shaun needed to be notified about what had happened. I do remember that much. And every time someone mentioned calling shaun I cried. I really didn't want to. Why I'm unsure. Eventually amy called him. I remember him arriving, but nothing else. So then it was Amy Shaun and Lottie in this tiny room. One minute I was crying the next I was laughing. Eventually a big built man came and asked me questions. This I do remember. He was from the crisis team. I even remember his name. Steve. Who was very to the point and made me feel like the answers to these questions changed everything. He asked me personal things, did I ever want to end my life? did I hear voices? was it my voice I hear?. These questions I can answer effortlessly now but the first time the words wouldn't come out. I had to admit that for 4 days constantly I had been consumed with thoughts off killing myself. I just had to be honest.
It was discussed if I was better off being sectioned, but it was decided that taking me away from shaun would be the worst idea ever. Shaun had to agree that to come home he would have to take time off work and stay with me 24/7. And I mean 24/7. Luckily 2 weeks of this was annual leave so we still had money coming in. But with no family aware off what we was dealing with it
was a lot off pressure on shaun. We would get calls early morning to check he was with me.
Walking out that hospital was so bizarre. I felt like I was labelled. I felt exposed and vulnerable. I wanted to go home but at the same time I was safe in that little room. Id told that little room about my mind. And I wasn't ready to step into the world and have to explain to the world.
Shaun reassured me all the way home, It was ok nothing had changed at home. Everything was fine. Turns out it wasn't and someone had set fire to the back of our house again! If you’d like to read about the last fire, I've attached a link to that blog. https://mummyleitbe.blogspot.com/2018/11/if-its-not-me-breaking-down-its-car.html
Get me being all technical. Check out the picture off my before and after root vegetable head .
In my next blogs I will explain how life was for us now we new what we was dealing with was an actual illness.
No comments:
Post a Comment