Anyway we got the bedding but it didn't stop their. The beauty of a retail park, when you can just 'nip' in this shop and 'pop' in that shop. The next minute lotties winter wardrobe had a revamp, I'm dripping in my new paco rabanne perfume and sporting a new marc Jacobs backpack. I need to calm the fuck down with these January sales. But to make up for it I have got back and put some of my old clothes on ebay.
As I'm blogging shaun is trying again to put the new curtain pole up. The rail only requires 6 drilled holes but somehow I have 12 drilled holes and 2 of them are HUGE! it Looks like 2 Yorkshire puddings. Ill keep you posted.
Now I will get back to yesterdays blog when we had told my mum about my illness. Which made life easier, because once shaun returned to work they set up a little rota system. Shaun would leave for work at 5.30am and mum would turn up, and sometimes get in bed with me. And eventually I told my dad. Which made things easier for my mum as she had someone to confide in. So without realising, things was getting easier for all of us.
It was a little frustrating everyone having to work life around me. I felt like a child at times, like I had to be babysat and like a massive inconvenience. Id get frustrated with myself for putting all this pressure on mum dad and shaun.
But before shaun returned to work we tried to get out and about. His mum invited us to a food festival at newstead abby so we went along. I was very nervous it being my first outing. But like everything in my life it ended up a huge drama. Asif we would go to the event come home and just have a nice normal day. That's far to easy. Instead I end up performing CPR. This was on the way back to the car. We was just summing up our day. Saying what a nice time we'd had. I've posted a picture off our little day out.
That was before all the drama drama. I was carrying lottie and a few feet ahead was 2 women walking. Suddenly one of the ladies started to stumble. To which shaun said "oh someone's had a few", but I sensed something was wrong and suddenly she fell onto the banking.
Automatically I gave lottie to shaun and ran over shouting for him to call an ambulance. She had gone stiff, blue and her eyes had rolled to the back of her head. I had no clue what to do. I shouted for somebody strong to help me roll her over as she had fell onto her front. A gentleman came and helped and I asked if he new what to do. He was in shock and couldn't answer, I was shouting to people staring, does anybody no what to do? anybody no cpr? but no reply everyone was just stood staring at me on my knees, once again in my bright orange coat!
Clueless I just started doing chest compressions and preformed mouth to mouth. I have never blew so hard in my life. I have never preformed chest compressions in my life. But I have seen on t.v they count while doing it so I was counting out loud. Of I went 1,2,3,4 anything to distract myself from the reality of this situation. I take my hats of to paramedics its hard work, I was knackered. I was really going for it pushing down harder each time willing this stranger to be ok. I was thinking all sorts, am I doing it right? should I even be doing this? why am I counting?
After a while a passer by who was medically trained helped and I turned my attention to the ill lady's mum. Who was in shock. I got gave her lotties blanket and my bottle off water and tried to reassure her, with the news that her daughter did look a lot better than when I first arrived on the scene.
Eventually just 1 paramedic arrived and the crowd was cleared. Leaving me the paramedic the ill person her mum and another guy. I found myself being the paramedics wing women. Helping her get things out the ambulance, holding the ill ladys head and keeping her oxygen mask in place. Backup was called and the paramedic was doing an amazing job administering needles and doing lots of other medical things. The ill lady took another turn for the worst again but it wasn't as bad the second time because she was in the right hands.
This whole episode is bad enough. But the fact I had been wanting to end my life prior to this and now I had found myself trying to save somebody else's. I felt like I was staring death in the face. I took control of a situation when for so long I had had no control of my own life. I ran to danger head on when I had been running from it for a long time. I did my best when I felt at my worst. I hadn't wanted to leave my house that day, but maybe its a good job I did.
Once news got round I was getting so much praise and pats on the back. At the time I didn't want all this fuss. I was at the height of my depression and the truth is I just wanted to be left alone. Now I realise what a big deal it was. But then I didn't. Inside I still felt hollow.
I do believe everything happens for a reason, maybe this was part of my recovery. May I add the last I heard the lady is recovering. They are unsure what actually happened and she was still having lots of tests. But I have heard nothing in a few months but wish her well.
Obviously this episode set me back and I was on edge. But I'm sure most people would be if they was faced with a situation such as this. I was back to not wanting to be alone for a second. But soon the time cam again to have 1 hour just me and lottie. And guess what 5 minutes into it and I'm calling my dad because I need to go to A&E....again.
P.S if I ever make it big time I promise to auction off my orange coat pmsl.
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