Dicks and dreams the start of december

Why are my blogs never just normal. Starting this has made me realise how random and crazy my life is. I never just sit here updating you on my day like oh had a lovely day, just did mumsy and wifey stuff. Nope its more like I went to my friends last night and made a Christmas jumper, with a huge willy attached to it. This is a true story. I popped round to help her bake a cake. We drank wine the cake sank in the middle and we ended up making a Christmas willy. The original plan was a jumper with holes in for a boobs to pop out the front with nipple tassles covering her nips. She soon realised this was rather extreme and she would probably get arrested. So she decided to make some pretend booboies. Well they ended up looking shocking. In a bad way. (see picture).
Que jade being seconds away from having  a BF (bitch fit).  So I'm thinking fast. And the first thing that comes out my mouth is "lets make a dick". So one of the tits turned into a dick. Using a pink fluffy sock and the stuffing out of a pillow with red sparkly baubles for testickles.
We then started attaching random things to the jumper like mince pie wrappers and I found a little bell so that went onto the end of the willy. The jumper was so bad it was good. Ill try and get a picture off it.
A giggle like this is just what I needed. Because Thursday night I had the worst nightmare. About kidnap, rape and violence. This is hard to put out to the world. As I'm convinced this makes me a bad person. What sicko dreams things like that! It was so intense and the whole time I'm trying to wake up but my brains telling me to keep on dreaming because I like this dream! After the dream I spoke to pony. Remember pony my therapist? Well she has assured me, I'm not a bad person. We all dream, sometimes good sometimes bad. So I'm just trying to shrug it off and I had a much better night last night.
Dream wise I had a better night anyway. Didn't mean I slept any better. Because guess what? I have bloody laryngitis. Goodbye voice and hello poorly taste. Ewww don't you just hate the way food tastes when your ill?
So little miss inconvenience strikes again. Shaun's had a day out with the lads planned forever and I wake up on the day to ill to function. Shaun's mum has come to the rescue and is having lottie today. So I can get some rest and I will pick her up later. Now shaun's promised to be home around 8-9pm. I never normally put a time on him being out, but with not being well I could do with him not getting in at 3am and having to mop his sick up as well as my own. I've also asked him to be sensible and not get white girl wasted.
I hope in my next blog I can tell you what an amazing husband he is and he got home slightly drunk at 9pm. This I highly doubt and it will be more a case off he got in at midnight curry sauce all down his top, missing a shoe and fell to sleep on the kitchen floor.
Now lottie is at her grans and I'm worrying thinking everyone will just think I haven't got her at home with me because I cant coap or my depression has set in. I've even doubted myself. But I just have to try and talk to remind myself I can only speak hamster language. Squeak squeak.
One more thing did I say material thing no longer matter to me? I have a confession. I think they still kinda do. Because today I seen a moschino top I wanted and was struggling to get it. I had to call the head office and beg for them to get me one. I think the lady on the phone took pitty on me because I'm a hamster. And I got the buying buzz.
 The this top is going to change my life feeling. I'm never going to need to buy another top ever. I can wear it for a meal, days out, to bed, on the beech. I might as well chuck all my other clothes away because this top is everything. Truth is......its yellow and will clash with most things. Is it just me who thinks buying clothes or shoes will solve all wardrobe problems forever. Yet have nothing to wear?
Chat soon sexpots! Happy 1st December. I no 1 thing I will be getting for Christmas and that's fat-er.