GOTCHA

Guuuuuys! why do I have such expensive taste? God if you read this blog please either give me more money or take away the expensive taste! Today whilst I haven't been trying to keep lottie entertained,  to prevent her screaming the house down. I've been browsing the internet. I've filled several shopping baskets with things including a Christian louboutin lipstick, micheal kors sandles, Chelsea boots, several eye shadow pallets and a marc Jacobs perfume. I've added them to my baskets as I am hoping to come into ££££ soon and don't want to forget what I want! Now with brill ideas such as that how am I not making thousands?
I've been to the hospital today to see the lovely lisa. I've not cried at an appointment for ages as I have been so well recently. But today didn't start good! I had a nightmare about other people hurting children and I was just begging them to stop. The room of people insisted this was normal, nobody could see that this was wrong! Once awake up I managed to work past it and get on with my day.
It wasn't until on the way to the hospital when shaun said he had a strange dream last night. I felt like id been hit in the stomach. So by the time I got to the hospital I was upset. Saying things like "I'm not normal" "this isn't depression this is a reflection off me as a person" "how can I think this way!?"
But lisa took time to explain this has nothing to do with me or how I see the world ect. This is just a bad dream that I have no control over. But this is hard to understand when its going off in my head! This went on to lisa asking me if id had any intrusive thoughts or had found myself with an urge to keep busy. I explained that I have had thought yes the odd one, but I don't feel them anymore. They don't touch me or terrify me like before. I think it and then it goes away. And yes I have been busy lately. But busy doing things I want to do rather than need to do. Its different being busy painting my nails rather than busy doing chors. So yes I have been busy, busy living my life instead of running from my mind.
Also I am on a pony ban! That's my therapist by the way. I'm on strict instructions not to see her until the 7th January! And today id heard she was free so straight away wanted to see her for a chat. Not a lets sit in THE chair and get the tissues out chat, a fun chat. About my works night out and the fact I still have an infected toe but I still wore heels #GIRLPOWER!
But I was told a big fat no. Well well well I only came out my appointment and who should be stood their? PONY so before she could make her escape I ran at her and gave her a big hug. I know as soon as she heard me scream her name she would have rolled her eyes. With happiness obvs.
Tomorrow I'm off to take my nan to do her Christmas shop. Wish me luck. Tonight I shell sharpen my elbows ready to fight for the cabbage's at morrisons!