I never spend loads of time doing them I don't read and re read it. I don't over analyse it. Maybe that's why I don't struggle and enjoy doing them. I don't pre plan what I'm going to put I just put what ever comes to my mind when I sit here. I sometimes call my mum or someone in between for advice. Often when im worried I've gone to far for, example my last blog i wrote about tuppy terror and called my sister to ask if she thought my fanny fobia joke was a bit much. And tonight I've asked shauns opinion on me posting a photo off my bare ass.
The same person that asked me this question also' wanted to be mentioned in my blog. So hey Laura Denny you made it hun.
Remember my last blog I said I was going to start operation normal and my first task was my trip to get my nails done. Well it was a FAIL! I did try honest. But I was desperate for a wee, and my friends salon doesn't have a loo you have to walk up to the house. A house containing dogs, which I'm not a fan off. So I ended up having a peeing down the side off her shed! I'm total trash I no but I tried to hold it, but it was starting to get painful. Its good for the plants I suppose.
Last night was my big night out for my birthday. As every year I had people drop out. Which is the norm when you have a January birthday. Its shit everyone is miserable and skint. Its always raining or snowing and the pubs are empty. But on the plus side theirs more room on the dance floor to shake what your momma gave you. And boy did me and linzi take full advantage of that. Just hope no one noticed the fact of shaved my sideburns not matching x
I woke up feeling fine to say I got in at 4am. Then I moved my head and was nearly sick. I wasn't fine and I slept today until 4pm. Now I'm back to the land of living and cringing at my drunken self. I've missed my little lottie while I have been out gallivanting. She left me a nice present this morning, a pile of poo stained clothes. What is with this child. This blog could be sponsored by vanish.
Ill now chat a little about my depression, the last time I spoke about it i left it chatting about what went down in my appointments with pony. Heres the link if you want to catch up https://mummyleitbe.blogspot.com/2019/01/just-cry.html
After a few meetings with pony she mentioned me possibly working with a nurse. She informed me the nurse will help me come up with ways to deal with my depression. I was a little sceptical about this and was unsure how it would work. I felt seeing pony was enough. But I was willing to do anything in the hope getting better.
So their we had it my help was expanding. And I eventually met my nurse Lisa. I remember our first meet well. She was totally different to what I expected. I was imagining a clinical looking nurse in uniform ext. But I was greeted my a funky dressed smiley face. I'm not going to lie i left her first appointment and said to shaun i don't see how these appointments would help me. I'm the kind off person that wants to see benefit immediately. The fact i came out feeling the same as i went in didn't feel like progress.
It wasn't until after a few appointments and when i started to use the information she gave me that i started to see a huge difference. When i was in a difficult situation, maybe i was having intense thoughts. Id start to deal with them the way she said then id step back and think wow that works. One of the best tips she gave me is not to let thoughts consume me.
Because they spiral. When i had a thought such as wanting to harm myself. Id fight them, in my mind id be feeding them, listening to them. For example id pick up a knife and imagine harming myself with it. Then id panic chuck the knife down, grit my teeth and start obsessing over why I'm i thinking this? why wont this go away? what is wrong with me? STOP! i hate myself! I see now this was feeding the depression this is the reaction depression wants. The best thing to do is recognise the thought your having and just think id never do that. Its that simple let it go.
Lisa also advised me to meditate. In my mind I'm thinking nope that's not me. She asked me over and over have you taken time out yet? have you meditated yet? To the point i gave in and one early morning while i couldn't sleep i opened up youtube and searched professor brutus as she had advised. I didn't even have to try and remember the name she had told me that many times. Please note around this time i was finding it difficult to sleep. As i laid listening to this American guy talk about how we should deal with our depressive thoughts and the benefits of relaxing i started to feel so relaxed. I felt light and i fell into the deepest sleep i had in a long time. I was proved wrong again.
After the success of this i carried on listening to these videos. I don't do it now as i don't feel i need to but i do feel it helped with my recovery. And it made me smile that i was a mediator i took it so serious. Serious situations make me giggle. Keep giggling guys. I'm off to bed now good night x
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