Friday, 4 January 2019

A throwback to my hen nights!


Now I'm not one for dishing out the parenting advice I don't give it and I don't take it. I think its best to wing it. Then when you fuck up you only have yourself to blame, and when your bossing it you can take all the praise. And theirs nothing worse than someone telling you how perfect they are and how there way is the only way. Its a load of crap. What I've done is go of my instinct, learnt from my mistakes, and just pretend I no what the hell I'm doing. When deep down I have no clue. Yes I've made mistakes, I've forgot to pack a spare bottle, forgot to check the temperature of food and she's ate glitter. But lottie is fine, I have a perfect little happy girl. We learn  from each other every day.
One thing I will say to all the mums and dads to be out their. GET 2 CAR SEATS! One for each car! Because if hubby goes to work with your only car seat your day is OVER! That's the reason I'm sat here now with my lashes on suited and booted ready for a baby class. I'd gone to put all the shit you have to heap about when you have a baby, in the car. And waaallaaaa no car seat! So here I am blogging to pass the time.
Yesterday I was back at the hospital to see the lovely lisa my nurse. As you may be aware I had started counting down the days. I arrived to a warm welcome from all the girls and  a cup of coffee ready and waiting on the side. It was great to catch up, but I must admit I feel worse.
I've had a long gap between appointments and I feel going back has just opened my doors to depression, it reminded me I'm not well. Last night I had the worst nightmares and I clung on to shaun when he was getting up to leave for work. I didn't want to be alone and I could here a strange noise and felt someone or something was coming to get me. I have not felt like this in such a long time. And I feel going back to the hospital has woke my depression back up. Also I recognised this morning when I have a bad dream. I sit and try to remember what the dream was about.
I'm back at the hospital again on Monday and I'm going to ask, because I'm sure me looking back at what I feel is such a bad dream. And trying to recognise what happened is toxic. Its my depression clinging on to something that I no will bring me down. So as I sat on the edge of the bed staring out the window at 5am this morning, as much as my mind wanted to wonder back into that negative dream I tried to prevent it. Prevent the negativity that my depression feeds off.
So yes I'm back to the hospital this time to see my doctor. Again I'm looking forward to the catch up. See what pony got for Christmas. Maybe a multi pack of bobbles. Its crazy even my mum calls her pony now. And the funny thing is she doesn't even always have a ponytail. If you reading this and thinking who the hell is pony check out this blog. https://mummyleitbe.blogspot.com/2018/11/meet-pony-my-personmy-hardest-blog-so.html Done 
After my trip to the hospital I sat and updated my scrap book. I'm very behind on it because so much has gone off in the last year or so. Lat night it was time to stick all the bits in from my many hen dos. I had like 6! The first being on a Friday night. I got home from work and my little flat had been totally changed into a penis paradise. My bridesmaids had totally pimped it. Think 5ft blow up willy and a blow up doll with shauns face on.
They had gone to so much effort, setting up little stations. Like the kiss the miss corner where you pop on some bright lippy, kiss a big sheet of paper and sign your name. We had a station that you write a letter to me. Which was super cute as I got to read them all back after. They had set up a jar so people could suggest date nights. We played games. Like bra pong which was a board with loads of my mates bras stapled to it (by her father in law may I add). And you try and pong a ball into the breast cup. Another game involved wearing a massive plastic willy on your head and having to catch hoops on it. Never in my life did I think I would ever see my mum throwing a mini hoop at my auntie to catch with the plastic willy she had attached to her forehead.
The best game of all. Was mr and mrs. My bridesmaid Tasha had snuck round my house while I was out and interviewed shaun whilst videoing the whole thing. The video was played to me on my hen night and I had to guess what his answer was. I must say i hardly got any correct. But the room full of my family and friends new them all. Like for example the question, what do you argue about the most? I answered money. Yet all the hens was saying "asif its football"
"chels come on your always moaning about his football"
"chels you almost broke off the wedding last week because he chose football over sexy time"
Ok the 3rd one is a lie but that's how bad it can get lol. Well my answer was incorrect and obviously shaun had said we argue most about football. This game proved a very good lesson to me. I clearly talk about me and shaun all the time. For my family and friends to know all the answers and me to get them incorrect.
Please also bare in mind I had to answer these questions in front of his mum and my family.  One of them being what's your most embarrassing moment. I totally played down my answer and prayed to god shaun didn't say what I was thinking in my mind. As I sat their with a red face praying to god. The girls pressed play and shaun told the whole room the most embarrassing story EVER! I'm not going to tell you what it is. Unless my blog gets a million views! And for the few that do now ill say 2 words. BED SOCKS!
So after my night of fun and embarrassment. It was sleep over time with the girls. And an early rise ready for a mystery trip. So up we got at the crack of dawn with our blow up shaun, 5ft penis and willy confetti we was off. To destination NEWCASTLE! Where the surprises just kept on coming
We got to our apartment first which was AMAZING! With 2 bedrooms. 2 bathrooms and thank god enough mirrors for us all to be able to glam up without having to fight for the mirror. They had planned every detail and we was running on a schedule. Me and schedules don't go well together. So it was a case of them just frog marching me around,
Our first stop being for diner and cocktails. Now I'm a fussy eater. And the girls had researched the perfect restaurant.. We ate our lunch sat on wooden swings laughing about the mysteries yet to come. After lunch it was back to the apartment to get super glam for a night on the town. Id brought the perfect dress. Well actually id brought about 20 but eventually I settled on a beige backless number. And all the girls wore black so I stood out. Whilst we was enjoying our pre drinks we got a knock at the door. It was shauns sister Kelly. EEEEEEEEEKKKK!
Then the taxi came and took us all into town. Even the taxi ride was hilarious. We had an African guy who thought my redition of beyonce was spot on. Truth be told I was probably giving him a headache and I had threatened him with violence if he told me otherwise. Once dropped off (or kicked out) the taxi we was in the bar.After a few drinks I was then led onto a double decker big red party bus.
Which drove us round Newcastle dropping us off at different bars. And waited for us whilst we boogied on down and had a few shots. Then it was back on the bus With the disco lights on and the dj blaring the tunes, while we drank our bottle of vodka spilling it whilst slut dropping to Justin beiber and whizzing  round roundabouts. Have you ever tried to slut drop, on a bus whilst holding your drink, in huge heels and singing without falling over. Let me tell you its impossible.
During one of our pit stops. The girls handed out lace facemasks to me and the hens. Mine was a white one and they all wore black. All of a sudden I wasn't sure if I was seeing double or had I gained 2 new hens? After looking at the eyes behind the black lace mask. I let out the loudest scream, realising it was my collage friend from back home!
I've never been on such an high or felt so loved. Even the fact a lost my hearing aid in the club didn't dull my night. A guy came over probably hoping for a cheeky flirt and ended up searching the floor for my hearing aid!
The hen dos didn't stop here. A few weeks after I went on to do pretty muddy to raise money for cancer. Where I wore a veil and my 2 bridesmaids wore flashing tiaras. We was head to toe in mud and after we realised id split my trousers. So whilst commando crawling and climbing high fences people could probably see my G-string and bare white ass cheeks!
Then my work friends supprised me with a meal at an Italian. And then one random Wednesday night Tasha told me we was off to see a medium. I couldn't wait I love things like this. Only we got to the pub and all the girls in my family was sat round a table. Mum had arranged a cute meal. This was my nans first hen at the age of 82. Luckily their was no plastic or inflatable penis involved this time. Oh how I wish I could do it all again. Hope you have enjoyed reading this one. I’ve made a little video so you can get a glimpse of how much fun I had. And you better enjoy it because its took me all day to make and upload.


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