Please dont send bert again

Today has been rough. Mum rough. It was all good until the British gas man turned up, lets call him bert. Well he walked in I had my candle lit (this is when yano I have my shit together). Id spritzed my laura Ashley room spray which I go in the half price sale, all was calm.
Until it got to nap time. Bert was downstairs doing his thing, so I took lottie to bed. A task which has been so easy since we introduced fred the ted. But this all changed. She would not let me leave her side. I honestly think she didn't want me to spend time with bert. 2 hours she screamed for. Mine and poor bert's ears where ringing I was sweating and he probably knew that I was close to hanging from his legs begging him to take me with him when he left.
Evan when he left she still was pissed off. She's not had a nap I think she's scared if she closes her eyes bert will sneak back into her life. Shuan had a gym session booked but I called him in a state begging him to come home.
She was inconsolable if I picked her up she screamed if I didn't pick her up she screamed, you get my drift. I'm knackered and I've ate 2 family bags of chocolate.  Shaun got back I was in the bathroom almost in tears and lottie was face first on the living room floor howling. Call me a bad mum but I had to step away for a minute. I've never had to take time out, but I was at the end of my tether.
So whilst she screamed at shaun i I had a bath. Shaun gets into his head he wants to make a roast diner. Which would have been lovely but I had to tell him I think it will be impossible to make while lottie is in this mood. I mean I made a slimming world ready meal and it sat on the side for 2 hour still in the cellophane. I ate it cold and all the pasta stuck together to form a ball.
But men know best right? I came down after my bath an hour later. The oven was still on the chicken was still in the fridge, Shaun's still in his work clothes on and lottie is still screaming. Safe to say we had jacket potatoes for tea. All is well now my little diva is tucked up in bed. We ended the day with a kiss which makes today perfect.
Yesterday morning was spent at lotties nursery. Just a few hours to get her used to it, I sat in on this session but the next she will have to big a big girl as I will not be able to stay. I think she liked it. The fact she walked in to a plate full of food helped. The only thing she wasn't keen on was taking a nap. And guess what I didn't rob a chicken or a granny.
In the afternoon I had an appointment with pony. A really positive one. I only have 1 more appointment left with each of my health workers. Pony spoke to me about how far I have come and how difficult it must have been for someone who has so much sparkle to experience such an illness. They was her words, and its true. My sometimes over the top and jokey personality totally left me. I would stop talking and for such a chatterbox like myself, someone who loves sharing stories and likes to be heard, it was hard to have a trapped voice.
I try my best to get across to you what depression did to me. I have no idea the picture I'm painting. If you understand my journey, if you can comprehend or relate. But I read an article earlier one that gets the message across perfectly. I connect with it so well to the point I feel they could be my words. I just keep reading it over and over. And I am told millions suffer with this illness. But I still struggle to believe it. I'm unsure why this is, maybe I want to be alone in my suffering as I don't want others to feel pain, or I still can not come to terms with the fact this is real. But it is real and its people like the person who wrote this article that helps the world understand, we are not alone, we are survivors and we should be proud, be it you are a sufferer, a family member husband or wife to the unfortunate sole who has lived this be proud you made a difference.
Here's the ink to the most powerful and relatable thing I've ever read. https://themighty.com/2018/06/suicide-dont-want-to-die-just-want-to-pain-to-stop/
Finally whilst at the hospital i took a picture of the picture that has been put up in reception of me, lottie and professor green. This i am super proud of, as every ill lady that enters the hospital will see my picture. And not only does my skin look great but its a positive photo. One of hope. I hope people ask the story behind it, and see the smile on my face a smile that's real and slowly grew from a smirk to a full happy laugh. I hope they see lottie. See how happy she is and no different to a baby that has a mum without depression.

K

Dont piss me off berlinda

I have just done the most unmummsy thing. I've just tools down and abandoned ship and took myself off for a little shower. I notice shaun does this all the time. I think oh it must be nice. Everything I do has to be pre planned and I don't take a bath until lottie is asleep.
Shaun totally freaked. He shouted for me and was like what you doing I need help? when I told him I was showering you would have thought I just informed him I packing my things and leaving.
Not that he cant handle lottie alone he has done a fab job this morning whilst I was at the mum2me market. Which started a little rocky. Here's the story. It opened at 10 but I was ready for 8.30 sat with my shoes on. I forgot it doesn't take 5 hours when you only have yourself to  get ready.
I left at 9, because yano what mums are like when it comes to bargains. I'm expecting next sale camping outside vibes. So I was surprised when I  roll up in the fiesta, not a car or bargain hunter to be seen. So I call my sister to double check I'm at the right place. Turns out I'm at the right place but wrong entrance dugh. Once in the correct carpark I easily get a space. WINNING!
Word on the street the first 100 mums get a free ticket to the local trampoline park. By the looks of the carpark I'm bagging myself a freebie. You may think well lottie cant evan walk never mind bounce but its FREE. Free stuff is the best who gives a crap what it is.
By this time its 9.30 so I'm thinking, go buy my ticket and hang around for a while near the entrance. Well I go to the ticket stand and I'm not aloud to buy one until 10am! Defeated I go sit back in my car. Which I then move to a spot closer to the entrance so I can suss the situation. See who's coming and going  Then I see movement a lady has just gone in to get her ticket. And also gets turned away, then I notice someone go in and not leave again.
So goodie bag in mind i grab my bag4life and go back to the ticket stand again. I still cant get a ticket I'm like Belinda hun its 10 minutes till opening, pass me over the freebie and their will be no harm done. Instead she directs me to a room to sit and wait. A large old fashioned room with green walls and 2 other women.
Well ive been abandoned. And times ticking its like 10.01 so I escape  the room and a cue has formed and I'm at the pissing back of it! How did that even happen!! I should have been treated like a VIP the first one their not shunned to the back like some late arrival. The good news is i got my freebie, the bad news is i think i got bit by a flea in that god awful room.
I went in thinking I didn't really need anything. Apart from a break and a coffee. But once I realised what bargains I could get I was well away. Everything was like 50p, I felt rich. It was raining 50s. I had bags full, at 1 point I had to take a trip back to the car because I had to much. Evan the brownie I got from the café was 50p. Brexit clearly hasn't had an impact on mum2me markets.
The last time I blogged about my depression I told you about how my mental health team grew from a doctor, to a nurse and then eventually I was introduced to a support worker. I have blogged about her previous, ive added the link to the blog if you would like to catch up.
https://mummyleitbe.blogspot.com/2018/12/if-your-happy-and-you-know-it-clap-you.html
So there we had it my help was all in place. My life was full of appointments. These people became the people I seen and trusted more than my family, friends and at the times even my husband. I could tell them EVERYTHING and when with them I was safe. Behind the scenes from what I could gather, these 3 met up to discuss my recovery. And together they stopped me harming myself or being sectioned.
My parents were a big help also. They was constantly at the house. And bending over back wards to make life easier for us. I could cry to mum and laugh with dad. For some reason when they was here I was a little more me. I remember one day when they was round I gave dad a pamper sesh..... see video at the bottom of this page. I hope it makes you smile like it does me.
Before I go i just want to say i see you, my readers. Most of you i may already no my friends, family and my mums nosy neighbour.  But the odd reader is overseas. I'm sure i don't have family in china so i must have the odd stranger. And id love to have an idea who you all are. So please follow my blogs twitter account  @dummymummy6. Here i tweet between blogs and would love more followers. Id also like you to give me feedback and answer some of my questions i occasionally ask.
Chat and hopefully see you soon :)

This is easy she said

Believe it or not I've always found mother hood pretty easy. I'm that annoying mother.
Yes I have been ill and have had challenging times but the mummy side of things has surprised me. Well this week I have had a reality check, and I now understand what mums really mean when they say they are tiered. This realisation is due to shaun working longer days. Instead of getting in at 2-3pm he's getting in at 5-6pm.
Just them few hours has changed everything. Shauns been getting home and I've been greeting him like a 50s housewife. Pinnie on, roast diner served within half an hour, the house spotless. This is no understatement a roast on a Wednesday am I mad? As much as I look like I have my shit together when he walks in, with my non smelling Christmas tree candle lit, the washer on and everything in its place, he had no idea what it takes to get here.
Yes I'm in my pjs at 5pm, that's because I haven't had time to get out of them and holy glory she hasn't got the heating on 25+, that's because I could have ran a marathon the amount of times I've been up and down stains, mostly forgetting why I went up their in the first place. Man housework is thirsty work, i've been getting a right dab on.
I feel like I'm running round in circles, today I was emptying the washer, feeding lottie and washing the pots all at the same time. I feel dizzy from the amount off running around I have been doing and the house is a shit hole 5 minutes after shaun gets home. He walks in says "its clean in here", abandons his work bag on the worktop, chucks his jacket on the table and kicks his shoes across the hall. At that moment I could literally have a breakdown. And if he mocks me about my nagging one more time he's going to be roadkill. Just kidding love him really. And it goes to show i do need him to help. Shout out to all the single mums and dads out there.
I have not even had time to blog. But tonight I'm getting a grip, we are having a pizza I have a vodka beside me, I'm double dropping cream eggs and i'm chilling the fuck out! Because this housewife life just isn't for me. Just having someone to help make diner makes such a difference and I cant wait for things to go back to normal next week. I've lost 2 nails had a migraine and I'm a stone lighter. May I add  just went to have my pizza and its burnt arggghhhh. my life!
Another shock to the system was last night. Lottie kept us up until 12am. This i am not used to and is down to the fact we have had to lower her cot. And she hates it. I love the fact she now prefers to nap on me again, but I'm dreading tonight. This has effected her more than anything else. More than changing from mosses basket to cot and moving into her own room was fine also. Any tips throw them at me?
Also this week I have been and looked at a nursery for lottie and its EVERYTHING! I love the fact its part of a nursing home so the oldies and the children mix. Obviously not the really ill. The children get to pick their vegetables in the summer and then eat them for diner, if lottie does anything new while at nursery I get it sent to me on video. She will have a scrap booked made containing all the things she has done in her time at the nursery from day 1. They have a real dog and chickens. I'm so exited we are have our settling in day on Monday and I'm going to have to refrain myself from taking a granny or a chicken home. The chickens are so cool and i love cute little grannys. I could do with a little granny friend for my nanar,  But im afraid I'm going to have to hold in my inner crazy.
Tomorrow morning I'm off out ALONE! I'm going to a mum2mum market. Shaun wanted to come but as awful as this sounds i said no. I just want to get up scramble my duck egg get ready and go. I haven't done this in what feels like forever. How nice is it going to be to not have to load the car, struggle with the pushchair and i will just be able to mooch around.
Lottie is my best friend and i couldn't live a life without her. But a i deserve a morning to myself without mum guilt right?

Operation normal

Someone asked me last night how long it takes me to write a a blog. The answer all depends how little lottie is behaving. Sometimes I can just sit and it takes me half an hour. Another time it can take a whole afternoon. Like tonight I've started blogging, in between I've had to give lottie her diner, then blogged a little more then she pooed all over her clothes soo I've been having to tidy up that mess and now back at it again, oh and Shaun's just forgot he had a bath on and almost flooded the gaff.  So if you ever read a blog and it makes no sense that's why. Because in between my masterpieces I get distracted.
I never spend loads of time doing them I don't read and re read it. I don't over analyse it. Maybe that's why I don't struggle and enjoy doing them. I don't pre plan what I'm going to put I just put what ever comes to my mind when I sit here. I sometimes call my mum or someone in between for advice. Often when im worried I've gone to far for, example my last blog i wrote about tuppy terror and called my sister to ask if she thought my fanny fobia joke was a bit much. And tonight I've asked shauns opinion on me posting a photo off my bare ass.
The same person that asked me this question also' wanted to be mentioned in my blog. So hey Laura Denny you made it hun.
Remember my last blog I said I was going to start operation normal and my first task was my trip to get my nails done. Well it was a FAIL! I did try honest. But I was desperate for a wee, and my friends salon doesn't have a loo you have to walk up to the house. A house containing dogs, which I'm not a fan off. So I ended up having a peeing down the side off her shed! I'm total trash I no but I tried to hold it, but it was starting to get painful. Its good for the plants I suppose.
Last night was my big night out for my birthday. As every year I had people drop out. Which is the norm when you have a January birthday. Its shit everyone is miserable and skint. Its always raining or snowing and the pubs are empty. But on the plus side theirs more room on the dance floor to shake what your momma gave you. And boy did me and linzi take full advantage of that. Just hope no one noticed the fact of shaved my sideburns not matching x
I woke up feeling fine to say I got in at 4am. Then  I moved my head and was nearly sick. I wasn't fine and I slept today until 4pm. Now I'm back to the land of living and cringing at my drunken self. I've missed my little lottie while I have been out gallivanting. She left me a nice present this morning, a pile of poo stained clothes. What is with this child. This blog could be sponsored by vanish.
Ill now chat a little about my depression, the last time I spoke about it  i left it chatting about what went down in my appointments with pony. Heres the link if you want to catch up https://mummyleitbe.blogspot.com/2019/01/just-cry.html
After a few meetings with pony she mentioned me possibly working with a nurse. She informed me the nurse will help me come up with ways to deal with my depression. I was a little sceptical about this and was unsure how it would work. I felt seeing pony was enough. But I was willing to do anything in the hope getting better.
So their we had it my help was expanding. And I eventually met my nurse Lisa. I remember our first meet well. She was totally different to what I expected. I was imagining a clinical looking nurse in uniform ext. But I was greeted my a funky dressed smiley face. I'm not going to lie i left her first appointment and said to shaun i don't see how these appointments would help me. I'm the kind off person that wants to see benefit immediately. The fact i came out feeling the same as i went in didn't feel like progress.
It wasn't until after a few appointments and when i started to use the information she gave me that i started to see a huge difference. When i was in a difficult situation, maybe i was having intense thoughts. Id start to deal with them the way she said then id step back and think wow that works. One of the best tips she gave me is not to let thoughts consume me.
Because they spiral. When i had a thought such as wanting to harm myself. Id fight them, in my mind id be feeding them, listening to them. For example id pick up a knife and imagine harming myself with it. Then id panic chuck the knife down, grit my teeth and start obsessing over why I'm i thinking this? why wont this go away? what is wrong with me? STOP! i hate myself! I see now this was feeding the depression this is the reaction depression wants. The best thing to do is recognise the thought your having and just think id never do that. Its that simple let it go.
Lisa also advised me to meditate. In my mind I'm thinking nope that's not me. She asked me over and over have you taken time out yet? have you meditated yet? To the point i gave in and one early morning while i couldn't sleep i opened up youtube and searched professor brutus as she had advised. I didn't even have to try and remember the name she had told me that many times. Please note around this time i was finding it difficult to sleep. As i laid listening to this American guy talk about how we should deal with our depressive thoughts and the benefits of relaxing i started to feel so relaxed. I felt light and i fell into the deepest sleep i had  in a long time. I was proved wrong again.
After the success of this i carried on listening to these videos. I don't do it now as i don't feel i need to but i do feel it helped with my recovery. And it made me smile that i was a mediator i took it so serious. Serious situations make me giggle. Keep giggling guys. I'm off to bed now good night x

Tuppy terror

So i'm 29. The only way is down now. Roll on death.
Buy hey birthdays are not that bad really. Who doesn't love gifts such us 12 cream eggs, vicks vapour rub and floor wipes all to celebrate living for an extra year. Yes I have random presents but I'm a random girl, who loves to wipe the floor stinking of vick!
My day was lovely shaun had left me all the stuff out to have pancakes for breakfast. But I wanted to have them with lottie so had to wait till 10.30 to have them, and I had to wake her up at that. I was famished. Lottie really enjoyed them and loved the blueberrys I gave her with them. To the point her poo is blue today and has stained her bum! I keep calling her blueberry blue bum. Where ever you are right now please just try and say blueberry blue bum. It impossible I keep saying blueberry bru brum!
Once we was full up and id opened all my funny and random gifts we got ready and went to play group. Where lottie just sat and ate all the free food, and the not so consumables.
I got home and had a meal cooked for me. A vegan meal as I'm semi vegan/vegetarian. And for those of you that say that's not even a thing, you cant even do that. Well I can do what I want and I'm semi vegan so ner.
Unfortunately the fun stopped here. And obvs we had some drama. In regards to my return to work from maternity leave. I'm not going to rant about it just yet as its being dealt with. But I will keep you posted. And if anyone wants to give me a job hit me up. Just never use the line "we work to benefit the company rather than the individual" or I will up and leave lol.  Last night I was upset about the situation today I'm angry.
Last night I had the worst nightmare. About depression re entering my body. And being scared of it. I do feel the stress with work has caused this, and today I have been up and down. But pony assured me I'm not upset because I'm ill and it doesn't mean I'm falling. What I'm feeling is normal. Anyone would be upset if they was in this unfair situation. So hopefully tonight is a better night and I'm not gripped with terror in a dream I cant wake up from.
This morning I had an appointment about my contraception. I cant rely on condoms any more due to the fact they come more in handy to de lime scale the tap. Sorry but they are total passion killers. So its been decided I'm having a coil fitted. Oh they joy. Today was just a discussion about the procedure.
To check I'm not pregnant or have chlamydia or some other STI I cant spell. Which wouldn't come as a shock if I had all the above. As that's just life for me at the moment. If it can go wrong it is doing, so why not just add chlamydia and an unplanned pregnancy to the list? If this happens I'm taking this shit global. I'm calling universal studios because you couldn't make it up lol.
 I also stressed because my labour the thought off having someones head down their just freaks me out. I fear it will take me right back to the hours and hours spent laid on a hospital trolley being examined every 4 hours for around 20 something hours. Their must be a name for such a fobia if not ive come up with some, tuppy terror, fanny fobia or scary mary.
So my blog on the 31st January is going to be interesting. It could be one extreme or the other. I either lay their and I'm fine or I freak out and run out the doctors with my pants round my ankles shouting tuppy terror! I'm sure I will have some story to tell.
Thinking about it I'm going to set myself a goal. I'm going to go and have this coil. And I'm going to just be normal. I'm not going to say anything silly or do anything to draw attention to myself. Like run around the waiting area pretending I have my new steam mop. In a bid to make lottie and my sister laugh. Lets see if I can do this! Lets call it mission normal. I might even be sponsored for it! Yano when your a kid and you get paid to be quiet that kind of thing.
This afternoon me mum dad and shaun have been up to Hopewood. The unit I am being treated at.Well my picture has been put up in reception, from the day I met professor green. Super proud moment, and my skin looks amazzzze.  If you didn't read that blog https://mummyleitbe.blogspot.com/2018/11/you-get-to-meet-person-behind-screen-i.html Mum took a picture off me with the picture but I look ruff so I will try and get a better one where you cant see my double chin.
Hopefully I will get chance to blog tomorrow but its a busy day. As I have to go get my nails done and I have an appointment with the nursery. If I don't get chance have a good weekend. I'm off out to parrrrrday. Where I will try and implement mission normal.
P.S Britney is no longer a reader. All rude readers are banned the only tits n ass yours gunna be seeing round here is mine which aint pretty so be warned

I wanted a life but didn’t want to live

Here i am again sat scoffing my face. Last night I decided to do all my jobs so I could be lazy today. But lazy's a little boring, I've discovered. So I found new jobs to do. Like mop the floors. Which has needed doing for like a week because lottie likes to wee on the bathroom floor. I'm not sure about you but I have my daily jobs and I never have time to do all the other stuff like mop the floors and get the coffee stain out the carpet that I did like 2 weeks ago.
Little lottie who can now crawl may I add, is fast on. So its sofa dash time and this time my junk of choice was a cream egg. OMG did they get nicer this year? I want another one now but the kitchen floor is not dry yet!
Once she's awake, I think I'm going to go to the gym. Truth be told I only go these days when I need to refresh my  makeup routine. The BEAUTY of paying over the odds for my gym is I get a little tv screen when I go on certain machines.
So I take my headphones and watch makeup tutorials on youtube. While sitting on a bike. Because I'm going out for my birthday this weekend I need a few tutorial tips. The people on the treadmills behind me can clearly see what I'm watching. I tell myself they go home and try to master the smokey eye.
By the way I have new bedding! Its grey silk with diamantes on. 2 of the diamantes have fell off already but I'm ignoring that fact. I'm sure they will stick back on with a bit of nail glue.
In regards to my depression I've not really blogged about it for a while. The last time I did I told you the story about me cutting my feet open while trying to save barry the beetle and how it meant I couldn't walk around because to much pressure on the cuts could re open the wound. To catch up https://mummyleitbe.blogspot.com/2019/01/its-999-time-again.html
On that blog I posted a video of shaun dragging me and lottie around the street on a sledge. My great idea because crutches drove me mad. The brainwaves didn't stop their either. I wanted a trip to meadow hall, but it was going to be impossible walking all the way round their. So guess what chaps, I hired a mobility scooter! Which was so much fun and was probably the first time I had laughed since becoming ill.
Being unable to walk did set me back, I was trapped in the house again, but this trip out really lifted my mood. I probably drove all the shoppers mad as the scooter was soooooo slow but me and shaun was having a giggle. Especially when I had to reverse out of a lift into a crowd of people and nearly mowed them all down. In my defence I was piping the hooter but to no avail. As always I got a little video of our day and I have posted it below.
During the drama with my feet, my appointments began with pony. These where so difficult sometimes. Going to the hospital was the only time I left the house. The appointments where intense, sometimes I couldn't even talk I would just cry and cry. I was upset about so much,

• the self harm thoughts was to intense
• I didn't believe I would get better and I couldn't understand this "illness"
• I was ashamed
• i remember one appointment I'm sure all i said was "this is to hard" "i  cant do this"
• i wanted a life but didn't want to live

The list is endless. And now whilst reflecting I'm getting upset again. Being sectioned was mentioned during some of the more intense appointments, but pony always managed to calm me down. And my meds was increased overtime.

 If i can offer any advice CRY! Once i started i felt id never stop. But you do and when you do you feel a little lighter. If you ever get to the point when you see a therapist. Be honest. I held nothing back. As difficult as it was to get the words out and admit some of the things whirling around in my head. The feeling when i was told "that's normal" was pure relief. I'm sorry i will never blog all the thoughts i had. For many reasons but if i have 1 suffering mum reading this, as extreme, awful and disturbing you think it is i bet your not alone!

After a while the appointments became easier. That's when i started to open my eyes to the world around me. I started chatting to the receptionists their and seeing the hospital for what a wonderful place it is. It stopped being a place off doom. I started feeling better, i began leaving the house with shaun. Doing everyday things. One day i even put lottie in her pushchair and went for a walk.....alone. I was terrified i remember standing at my front door thinking can i do this? am i safe to be on my own? will i leave lottie in some random place on her own, with the hope a better mum will find her? But once i took that first step i was off. i felt free even a little confident. Confident that i could be trusted.

Unfortunately after this high i began to fall again. Unexpectedly i was down again. I've now learnt that this is recovery. You don't just get better. Its a slow process full of highs and lows.

I'm off now to go to the gym to watch TV. The next few days i may be a little busy as its the death of my 20s tomorrow. Yes i turn 29.

It’s Britney baby

Shaun wants me to go help clean the kitchen but naaaah id rather chat to you guys about my bedding drama instead. I've emptied the bins and tied a condom to the bath room tap what more does he want? Yes you read that correct. I've used our last condom out the emergency stash to tie to our bathroom tap. Its being put to good use its full of white vinegar and is eroding lime scale.
About my bedding. I mentioned before that my last lot was diamante and shaun hated it because it was scratching on his face. So we had to ditch it and get another. Which I hated because it was to pateney. So we settled on a 3rd which was okay. It wasn't the £150 kylie minouge set that I originally wanted but it was nice enough. I've grown to like it and this morning the stitching has come undone and the pillowcase has a massive hole in. Today is operation buy new bedding....AGAIN! In 1 month this will be my 4th lot!
As mentioned yesterday I went out last night with mum, dad and shaun. I took them to a bar with a  hotdog stand in, you get free bags of popcorn and the walls are covered in AstroTurf. Mum was in her element and dad was way out his comfort zone. But after an overpriced pinacolada he was head-butting popcorn and sipping cocktails like he does is daily.
I think lottie missed us at bed time because shaun's mum called us and lottie was screaming the house down.  But by the time we got home she was fast on. We got home to a sleeping baby and a pile of shitty clothes what more could we ask for.
Since I told everyone about my blog being sent to NHS England my views have gone back up and the positivity has been amazing. Its crazy to hear strangers saying how much they enjoy reading about my life. And ive now reached over 7000 views.
One problem though. I get to see who is reading my blog and how they get directed to it. Do they click on a link via facebook or twitter ect. This morning I saw a new link Britney, now who ever you are Brittany I appreciate the support but I don't appreciate the bare ass and boobs I saw when I clicked the link!
Due to this I've tried to modify my setting, to prevent this happening again. So if you experience any issues, such as not being able to read my blog the same please message me.
So I'm of now to buy my new bedding and a doormat cyaaaaa.
P.S Britney piss off!