Then Tuesday all was running smooth I had lost 1lb. I was on time to work a change leaving the house at 7.30am picking my mum up and bringing her to my house. Only when I went to drive from my house to work, the car wouldn't start.
I'm sure my new boss thinks I make shit up in order to have a lie in. But no the cars a heap of crap and I hate it. Since my drama in the car with the bridge ect I hate driving and things like this don't help, remember a few month ago I broke down alone in the dark. Is this a sign to do a prince phillip and give up?
Today I have been at work in the morning and then had plans to take lottie to stay and play. Guess what? I rush a round, get there and its not on because its half term. Does anyone else feel they are peddling a bike but not moving? Im trying not to loose my shit, and do a Britney 2007 style, shave my hair off and take an umbrella to my shit car.
Luckily my mind has been totally depression free. And the fact I feel annoyed is actually a good thing. Its good to have feelings and emotions back. The good and the bad. Id rather feel like this than the numbness that you live with when depressed. When you hear about a death you don't feel empathy, when you are told a joke it doesn't make you giggle.
I've also been having nice dreams, about us buying our first family home and random stuff like last night I dreamt I was having swimming lessons. Going forward I hope this continues as I have so much stuff to look forward to.
Like tomorrow, the big day has come. I get to interview nurses that will be working at the hospital. I get to ask 3 questions some of which are my own. I was sent a list of set questions that I could alter if the question was appropriate. And when I put my idea forward it was greatly accepted and I was highly praised for it. That's the reason I was asked to help, because as a women who has lived with depression, I may ask think of questions your everyday person would never think to ask. And that was the case with this particular question. They have scrapped a question that a professional has come up with and used mine, which I'm really proud of. I'm unsure if I can write details about the interview but I will ask tomorrow.
I must admit I'm nervous. I have no idea what I'm going to wear. I just no its got to be sweat patch proof. Because I sweat buckets when I'm nervous. And I must admit I'm feeling the orange coat. And 100% a thong because they make me feel like I can take on the world. My pants have different jobs. My maternity pants give me a hug, thongs give me sass and G-strings......... ok I'm gunna be honest......they hurt my post pregnancy piles. Which I like to call the PPPs.
Yesterday I told my new work friends a little about my depression. I didn't go into much detail but just gave them an idea about what things have been like for me recently. The reason I haven't told them to much is because I think it is a shocking story and a little intense. As time goes on they may ask questions but that's up to them and id be more than happy to share.
To be fair as I was telling them I tried to play it down a little because it all sounds a little like bullshit. Over the past few weeks they have found out that in the space of a year I've moved house, had 2 fires set on my back garden, had an attempted break in, met celebrity's, mayors, MBEs, been on the radio, been on tv and set up a blog that's now had 10,000 views in lots of different countries. Bet they think righto.
So I'm having an early night tonight. Firstly because while I'm asleep I don't think about food and the other reason is because I have my big day tomorrow and want to bring my a game. My professional I wear matching underwear and never leave the house in my pjs self.
I hope you are still enjoying my blogs and they are not getting boring now I'm not having a breakdown every other day. Also I have been wondering why you all hadn't been replying to my silly questions, and why all the lovely comments had stopped. ERM id turned off "allow comments". Wooops.
Night x
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