Pissing in the wind

Some ones in a good mood! And that someone is me! Today has been so normal. Life is becoming normal so much so that I didn't even wash the pots today. Always a good sign. An untidy house is a good sign for me.
As promised me and lottie have been out and about today. Enjoying life with a car. We went and did some shopping and went for a coffee. Instead of whizzing round with a million things on my mind out of breath. We just smooched around. Not a care in the world. I felt safe in my own skin. Who new a trip to wilko and a new fruit bowl could feel so good.
And guess what it was all drama free. Apart from wanting to bitch slap the wolf pack of girls that work in my local beauty suppliers. Like seriously. They was so rude. And all stood staring at me like id just told them their lips looked like hotdog sausages and their j-lo perfume fucking stunk. Less is more girls.
Or maybe it was the fact id gone with no makeup on. To them it probably looked like I was having a bad day, or I was homeless. But the fact one of my nails is chipped and my hair is a little messy. Is actually me on a good day. Because it means I don't need my mask.
After this I got home and me and shaun had to nip out. And got stuck in traffic. Now please don't judge me but I've never needed a wee so bad in my life, And i just had to get him to stop the car so I could let it out. So here I am in a deserted carpark. Pitch black. Firstly I stand in a massive muddy puddle. At first I thought I had fell down a well, so my fave pom pom trainers are now ditched. Then its wee wee time. Holy crap have you ever peed in the wind? If you haven't DONT! And if you have girl I feel you.
Mid flow a car looks like its coming in the car park so I had to waddle to the other side of the car, and re visit the well. Turns out the car was no where near. But the chilly bits and dented pride was so worth it! Because my bladder was close to popping.
I'm just no good at holding wee. I remember one time we went to alton towers. And again I was desperate. But it was to busy to get out the car. So I had to do it in a Starbucks cup. Shaun was going mental and I was close to tears because I was so embarrassed. 2 bloody grandee cups full their was. I even brought a shewee but only remembered to take it out with me a few times. If you don't no what one off these is, i've posted one below. Please note that is not me on the picture!

Why am I even talking about wee. Its so irrelevant. But I'm sure I have an actual medical problem. Thank god for antibac.

How can I even go on about my depression after that? OOOOOHHHH shaun just shimmeyed into the room with a nice cocktail for me, with an umbrella and everything, served whilst dancing to club Tropicana. 

So anyway. I left my last blog at the point when I almost drove of a bridge. Once id realised the severity of the situation. I realised I needed help. You hear about all this help available to women but at this point I felt helpless. I called my GP and they had no appointments. In the end I decided to call my midwife. Who id grown very close to during my pregnancy. A 30 minute appointment would last over an hour sometimes. She even moved to another GP and requested we went with her. She called us the chosen ones. When she picked the phone up she said she new something was wrong. She drove straight to me. And that 10 minute wait for her to get their. Was the longest off my life.

I was crying shaking I was just a mess. I didn't feel like me or lottie was safe. Once arrived even the midwife was clueless as off what to do. She could tell I needed medical attention. This was not a case of going home and forgetting about it. I was having a breakdown.

More services need to be available. If a midwife doesn't know what to do in this kind of situation. Nobody stands a chance. Organisations need more awareness. Women need to know who they can turn to if they hit crises point. Or even before they get to this point.

If I had been made aware off the symptoms of post natal depression I'm certain this could have been avoided. When new mums are given a bounty pack, and all the shitty leaflets we get flooded with. Ditch the free graze box and 15% off at some random overpriced company. Provide leaflets that can change life's and prevent illness. Don't scare women half to death but just a few pointers. If you feel this way or are thinking this, don't suffer in silence reach out to this place or that.

Lets not get to the point where we get ill before we start looking into our mental health. Lets look into mental health before we get ill. Sometimes seeing posters regarding illness can be a little overwhelming or scary but all the other diseases are scattered around GP centres and hospitals. Cancer is a day to day word. And most of us follow the information given to us. We check our boobs ect, why not make awareness for depression just as important. Maybe a campaign for us to check our breasts or balls AND brain regularly. Maybe call it the Triple B's. Have a tinkle with you bits, then take a second to think what have I been thinking recently.

This I'm sure will save lifes. Save illness. And save women suffering at such an amazing time off our lives. Just 1 simple leaflet, that I'm sure most mums will read. Because once I was bored out my mind. Id washed all the baby grows, id organised and re organised all my baby things. I sat and I read those leaflets. Maybe a piece of paper could have changed my journey into motherhood.